Listening Skills That Show You Care
It can be very hard to watch your teenager go through difficult times. All you want to do is take away their pain and make them happy again. Below are three listening skills that can help you become a better at supporting your teen!
Compassionate Listening
In counselling circles we call this “active listening”. Basically, this means that you suspend your own thoughts and judgments and attend exclusively to the message of the other. That you try to understand the message in terms of your teenagers meanings and frames of reference. You can do this by “checking in” to make sure you understand what they’re saying correctly. Some examples are:
“So, what you’re saying is … ?”
“Just to make sure that I understand, what you’re telling me is …?”
“You mean that … ? “
Ask Open Ended Questions
When asked closed ended questions it can feel like an attack or like you’re being “grilled” as well as it only encourages short or single-word answers. However, open ended questions can begin a conversation and help to elaborate and expand a point. For example, asking a closed ended question like “Do you like school?” will give you a one word answer such as “No”. But asking an open ended questions like “ What about school do you like? Do you not like?” will begin a conversation about school activities and your teenagers preferences. Asking open ended questions can be very easy to do, just remember to start your question with either of these words:
WHO/WHAT/WHERE/WHEN/ HOW
Validate
Validating acknowledges your teen’s right to their feelings. It reassures them that it’s okay to have the feelings they have and helps your teenager to not feel ashamed of themselves or the depression they are experiencing. For example, a great validating phrase is “That must be difficult. You have every right to be upset!”
To learn more about supporting other people check out this great wikiHow!
Meet Jules Smith
Jules Smith, MEd, RCT, CCC, is a Halifax-based narrative therapist who helps teens explore their stories, challenge problem-saturated narratives, and reconnect with what matters most to them.
